So I got sent home from work an hour early today. Unlike yesterday and the day before, it wasn't because we were overstaffed and I volunteered to leave. Rather, I got to go because a kid peed on me! I am so not a fan. Luckily, I have my hoarding tendencies to fall back on and I had a pair of sweats in the trunk of my car. I changed in the front seat with a jacket over my lap; there was no way I was going to stay in those pants any longer than I needed to. I was upset at first, but then I realized it was the Universe using its sense of humor to get me out of work so I could get homework done (which I'm going to work on as soon as I'm done with this post). The only thing I'm really bummed about is I when I threw my work pants in the wash, I forgot about the Pokewalker I had in my pocket. I have it sitting out on the windowsill in the guest bedroom. Hopefully it will dry and return to working order.
I'm in the most relaxing room of my house right now, surrounded by my two fish tanks and my dog. In my 77, I have a bunch of peaceful community fish who swim around lackadaisically. My 55 is filled with much more active fish who zip about from place to place. Admiring the contrast between the two habitats leaves me feeling balanced and centered. I don't need to be as crazy as my giant danios, but I should be less lazy than my wandering guppies.
I'm still having trouble getting myself motivated to do my homework. I know it is due by five tomorrow, but I'm struggling with convincing myself to care. I'm so exhausted at this point that a nap sounds divine, and just about everything else sounds like way too much work. I've been procrastinating more this semester than I ever have, and that is saying a lot coming from me. My big problem is that I can't figure out how to force myself to cut it out and get my work done. In the past, I've always been able to pull things off at the last minute. I just feel like that won't work this time.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Senseless Nothing
Yet again, I want to post a blog without knowing what I want to say. I'm beginning to think I just need to write something non-academic to avoid a meltdown.
Today I went to class and delivered my grammar analysis speech based on Rachel Carson's Silent Spring. If you aren't familiar with her work, familiarize yourself. Seriously. Carson is pretty much amazing for a variety of reasons, but I love Silent Spring for the impact it has had on the United States and, to some degree, the entire world. My speech focused on how Carson manipulates grammar to reinforce her rhetorical argument. Her sentence structures mirror the points she is making. Anyways, I went to deliver my speech (I went second in the class), and I had a major technology malfunction. While I could get my Powerpoint to show up on the projector, I couldn't call up my notes on the computer because it wouldn't recognize the projector as a separate screen. So, I pretty much delivered my speech extemporaneously/slightly from memory. Yay for that Advanced Public Speaking course I took a few years ago. I got 19/20, so I'm pretty happy.
After school, I went home to work on homework, but was distracted for several hours by my siblings calling me on the phone. As much as I have to get my homework done, talking to my brother and sister is far more important to me... especially considering the fact that they live on the other side of the country. I've been really depressed lately, so spending time with them today was great.
Only half an hour into my shift this evening, I was sent home because we were overstaffed. I didn't mind; I volunteered. The only thing that annoyed me is that they didn't call me before I left the house. With gas prices climbing, I would have been more than happy to just stay home altogether.
This evening I tried (rather unsuccessfully) to work on my annotated bibliography for American Lit. Out of the ten entries, I have one complete and another halfway done. Like I have every night for the last few weeks, I got really depressed/unmotivated around seven and haven't done anything since. I should have at least gone to bed rather than waste all my time online, but oh well. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. It will be; the stupid assignment is due Friday.
I know this has been a long, rambling post about a whole lot of nothing, but I just needed to get something on here. I may be losing my mind, but at least I'm writing in the process... now if I could just find the inspiration to get this need focused on my novel.
Today I went to class and delivered my grammar analysis speech based on Rachel Carson's Silent Spring. If you aren't familiar with her work, familiarize yourself. Seriously. Carson is pretty much amazing for a variety of reasons, but I love Silent Spring for the impact it has had on the United States and, to some degree, the entire world. My speech focused on how Carson manipulates grammar to reinforce her rhetorical argument. Her sentence structures mirror the points she is making. Anyways, I went to deliver my speech (I went second in the class), and I had a major technology malfunction. While I could get my Powerpoint to show up on the projector, I couldn't call up my notes on the computer because it wouldn't recognize the projector as a separate screen. So, I pretty much delivered my speech extemporaneously/slightly from memory. Yay for that Advanced Public Speaking course I took a few years ago. I got 19/20, so I'm pretty happy.
After school, I went home to work on homework, but was distracted for several hours by my siblings calling me on the phone. As much as I have to get my homework done, talking to my brother and sister is far more important to me... especially considering the fact that they live on the other side of the country. I've been really depressed lately, so spending time with them today was great.
Only half an hour into my shift this evening, I was sent home because we were overstaffed. I didn't mind; I volunteered. The only thing that annoyed me is that they didn't call me before I left the house. With gas prices climbing, I would have been more than happy to just stay home altogether.
This evening I tried (rather unsuccessfully) to work on my annotated bibliography for American Lit. Out of the ten entries, I have one complete and another halfway done. Like I have every night for the last few weeks, I got really depressed/unmotivated around seven and haven't done anything since. I should have at least gone to bed rather than waste all my time online, but oh well. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. It will be; the stupid assignment is due Friday.
I know this has been a long, rambling post about a whole lot of nothing, but I just needed to get something on here. I may be losing my mind, but at least I'm writing in the process... now if I could just find the inspiration to get this need focused on my novel.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
I don't know what it is, but I felt led to post a blog today. I know I haven't been on here in ages; I also know nobody will read this, but whatever.
This semester has been trying to say the least. I knew from the beginning it would be hard, but I am still amazed at how busy and exhausted I am all the time. It started with me getting a new job and my own place. I love that I have my own home now, and my job is fantastic. However, working 40+ hours a week to keep up with bills is certainly taxing on both my body and my studies. My main problem right now is I can't seem to muster up the motivation necessary for completing my assignments. This is obviously a problem as I'm entering the last three weeks of class. I have a speech due tomorrow, an annotated bibliography on Friday, another annotated bibliography on Monday, an 8-10 page research paper next Friday, and a 10-15 page research paper due the Monday after that. Despite, or perhaps because of, this massive mountain of homework, I can't seem to focus on it long enough to get it done. I'm at the point now where I'll do anything - even make a post on my dusty blog - to avoid my homework. I don't know if I'm overwhelmed, uncaring, too tired, or a mixture of the three. What I do know is that I am having the hardest time doing what I know I need to get done to be successful. This is such a strange space for me to be in, and I can't work out how to overcome it. I've tried grounding and centering, but it doesn't really seem to be helping. When I meditate, I fall asleep. None of the things I normally do to calm me down and get me to focus seem to have an effect. I know that I'm manifesting this negative energy through my thoughts and actions, but even this conscious knowledge feels insurmountable.
I'm at that point where I need an outside perspective to give me guidance. Nothing I try is working, and I'm fed up. I am trying to trust that God and the Universe will bring everything back into order, but my house is a mess, my car is a wreck, my studies are in shambles, and my grades are so close to being in the crapper that I can almost smell it. If things don't change, I'm going to lose my mind (Who's to say I haven't already?).
This semester has been trying to say the least. I knew from the beginning it would be hard, but I am still amazed at how busy and exhausted I am all the time. It started with me getting a new job and my own place. I love that I have my own home now, and my job is fantastic. However, working 40+ hours a week to keep up with bills is certainly taxing on both my body and my studies. My main problem right now is I can't seem to muster up the motivation necessary for completing my assignments. This is obviously a problem as I'm entering the last three weeks of class. I have a speech due tomorrow, an annotated bibliography on Friday, another annotated bibliography on Monday, an 8-10 page research paper next Friday, and a 10-15 page research paper due the Monday after that. Despite, or perhaps because of, this massive mountain of homework, I can't seem to focus on it long enough to get it done. I'm at the point now where I'll do anything - even make a post on my dusty blog - to avoid my homework. I don't know if I'm overwhelmed, uncaring, too tired, or a mixture of the three. What I do know is that I am having the hardest time doing what I know I need to get done to be successful. This is such a strange space for me to be in, and I can't work out how to overcome it. I've tried grounding and centering, but it doesn't really seem to be helping. When I meditate, I fall asleep. None of the things I normally do to calm me down and get me to focus seem to have an effect. I know that I'm manifesting this negative energy through my thoughts and actions, but even this conscious knowledge feels insurmountable.
I'm at that point where I need an outside perspective to give me guidance. Nothing I try is working, and I'm fed up. I am trying to trust that God and the Universe will bring everything back into order, but my house is a mess, my car is a wreck, my studies are in shambles, and my grades are so close to being in the crapper that I can almost smell it. If things don't change, I'm going to lose my mind (Who's to say I haven't already?).
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